Posted: 09/03/22

Sunset 1 February - Vicky Foster

I expected this to be a profound experience; from the first I heard about it, I just felt really strongly that I wanted to do it.  I think it was the thought of the view, the change in perspective.  I chose an important date: my son’s 20th birthday.  The day he was born, I nearly died.  I had to be kept alive by doctors and nurses and all kinds of machinery.  The date wasn’t the first one I looked for.  First I tried my birthday, then some other dates.  But his was the one that was free and now I’m so glad it was. 

I thought it would be the views and being quiet and still that made it profound but it wasn’t.  I don’t think I was still for a whole minute at once while I was in that box.  It was the box that made it profound: the way it sits at the edge, overhanging the edge of the building.  The way the wind – it was very windy today – presses and moves around it. 

As soon as the door closed on me I wanted to get out but I didn’t because I knew I was part of a chain.  That was the other thing that made it profound.  The reminder of how important it is to hold a line sometimes.  The reminder that we’re always part of a chain, part of a process, part of something bigger than ourselves and we’re always vulnerable. 

I didn’t realise until tonight how scared of being vulnerable I’d become until I found myself clinging to the door and wanting to get out. 

But I didn’t get out and, by the end, I managed to stand up straight, arms outstretched as the sun dropped below the clouds. 

It’s never the things you expect that get you, is it?  I wasn’t expecting any of that tonight.  But I’m very, very grateful I got to do it.